It’s a strange thing. I’m not sure if it is normal for one to feel that way when approaching 18.
I feel like that once you reach this ‘supposedly’ adult age you’re meant to have the whole world figured out. I’m thankful to be in this place where I can feel a sense of freedom of no longer waking up in fear of how my mind will spiral out of control.
It’s almost as if there’s a sense of simplicity obliged with it. You’re meant to dream of life’s fulfilment being the white picket fence and getting a good job and getting married. So, for the past few days my mind has been daringly dreaming of finding my soulmate, every moment that would entwine us and my ‘dream job’ - being successful in a 6-figure job with my own office in a beautiful skyrise building. The ‘supposed’ dream that the western world teaches us to aim for. What the glossy magazines on the shelf show the ‘successful woman to be’ Tall, thin, sleek hair, hollywood smile, has a good job, can comfortably support herself, has a hot boyfriend, etc. etc. I would be lying to say that’s not what I feel I should aim for to be successful.
Maybe the question is if the last couple of days I’ve been aiming to drill it inside me to spark as motivation. In all honesty, it doesn’t really. I thought about it in class today - what was the actual motivation and meaning of life? Then I looked around the room and realised how my superficial vision of success didn’t seem to matter in reality with regular schoolkids around me in this classroom.
What I realised was, life is a personal journey. The people around us; our brothers, sisters, parents, friends were only elements of our journey. But, the real meaning of life was to define one’s self - to shape ourselves into who we create ourselves to be. What we do in order to develop ourselves as people. That was the meaning of life. So, I stopped and thought to myself ‘Who do I want to define myself to be?’
Because at the end of the day, at the end of our lives, we’ll only have us staring at our reflection within the mirror. Alone.
I came across this quote as I was causally scrolling through my Twitter feed during this week. I was feeling pretty stressed out, thinking about my life and partly fearing the future asking myself - ‘What happens if I don’t achieve my dream?’, ‘Where am I going to be in 5 years?’ ‘How do I know if I’m doing the right thing?’
This quote is from Demi Lovato’s new book, Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year. It helped me realise that sometimes you need to silence out the stress surrounding you in life and ask yourself “What do I want out of my life?”
I ended up realising that I don’t want good grades because I fear the teachers screaming at me if I don’t do well, I want good grades because I’m fortunate to finally be in a place to not have something inhibit me from progressing and I want to make the most of myself.
I also realised that I don’t want to exercise to be thinner, I want to exercise to feel overall healthier and better within myself.
The thing to remember is that at the end of the day, this life is yours. No one can else can bring you to dreams apart from yourself, and you will have to look after yourself in the present to enjoy it in future.
Your heart is broken and you feel like crap.
All you want to do hide from the world under the duvets, listen to sad, heart breaker tracks and rebound with your two favourite guys, Ben & Jerry for a good month.
But, bringing yourself down with more negativity isn’t going to help you feel better, make your situation any better or benefit you in future.
The best way to deal with it is to get rid of negative emotions by providing yourself with a cathartic release and refocusing your energy into something positive for yourself.
One of the best ways to do this is to hit the gym. Also, listening to music that relates to how you feel, but also inspires you to move on with your life and realise you that will find the right one someday is a great way to deal with a break up.
Here is a selection of tracks to pick yourself back up during a much needed kick-ass workout:
Celebrated my 100th run this weekend at no view better than sunrise at the beach! God is good 💕
Last week, I went out running after taking a break from fitness and indulging into one too many treats.
The run went horribly. I felt tired, sick and exhausted after the first mile. I couldn’t complete the second mile and decided to go home and was on the brink of tears. Why? Because I felt like a failure.
With failures in life, you have two choices; let them tear you down and dwell on them or pick yourself back up and figure out how you can turn it around.
It wasn’t easy at all. Considering it was a few weeks ago I’d completed a half marathon and now I was finding it difficult, it was difficult to not listen to the voice inside telling me “You’re just slipping back and you’re not good enough anymore”
Instead, I took baby steps back into it.
Sometimes we can’t help what happens to us, but we always have to option to decide how we handle it from today.