I’m the first person who can tell you the changes you experience going through recovery can be incredibly overwhelming. Even though each change is a step away from being the miserable person you used to be, it can feel isolating, scary and difficult to accept you can’t do some things you want to do which helped you avoid your fears; like gaining weight or experiencing new emotions.
I personally experienced a lot of changes emotionally during recovery where I would start to cry subconsciously whenever I felt happy because I wasn’t used to feeling that emotion and it could be incredibly difficult and scary to feel myself dramatically changing and also processing emotions differently as I wasn’t used to feeling them.
Even though it was hard at the time, after the storm I learnt it was only to get me to where I needed to be and I had to work really hard to accept myself. I am vulnerable and sensitive with my emotions, and that may be a bad thing and present unlikeable qualities but it also presents my very best qualities like being able to make people feel feel emotions through my writing.
You may be recovering from an eating disorder and having a hard time accepting the physical changes from gaining weight, but remember those curves you’re gaining that you see as ‘fat’ are there to make you beautiful and a healthy and strong woman, so don’t be so quick to reject them - they’re allowing you to become who you really are.